#so idk if its like. thats just a difference in how my church taught us vs the scholars the author checked out

[gibbearish]

ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far

[i-yap]

Hi! You mentioned in a prev oneshot that you were Indian, as a fellow south asian it is so nice to have someone into the fandom as well !!! May I have a request if batboys with an south asian so who does Indian classical dance like bharatnatyam or odissi please?

Heyyy I have never professionally learned classical Indian dances but I love watching them so ill try my best. Im sorry if its offensive, Im doing fem reader cuz gn wasn't requested..hope that okay too

Batboys x Dancer!Y/N

Dick grayson

He loved the story the dances depicted. He learned all the meanings and history behind all the hand movements and music.

Dick had probably been to India for a mission so he does know a little about indian history but now he has a much stronger motivation to learn everything and anything about that culture .

Also we all know dick has a thing for strong powerful women. And Bharatnatyam or Odssi or any indian classical dance for that matter REQUIRES SO MUCH STRENGTH . The facial expressions, the precise movement and the beauty of it all..he is whipped.

'He also loves when you get in touch with your culture. Dick is like a culture connoisseur and having a beautiful south asian girlfriend who is proud and expressive of her heritage makes him so proud.

He for sure has videos on videos which he show or boast about to anyone- even at galas , his favorite thing to talk about you and he is just so proud.

Jason Todd

I dont think todd will take the time to look into the difference meanings or stories these dances depict.

I have mentioned how much he stares and now he has a new found excuse to stress. Its like those movie montages of the wife through the husbands eyes where there is like a light glow behind her and he is just laughing (and then she dies or something)- idk if you know what I'm talking about but that exact thing happens with him.

you are like his salvation , so beautiful, golden poised and graceful. Its like a beggar seeing a goddess , a murderer on the steps of church or a ray of sunshine in the cold cold dark city - it becomes his way to spirituality.

He doesn't talk that much about it. the whole experience feels too surreal for him and he loves to see that side of you. when your practicing and don't have the routine perfected, he loves seeing the side of you no one else would get to see.

Tim drake-

This boy probably went to the ballet as a kid and I mean western rich parents-gotham city- I don't think he knows anything about indian classical dance so when he sees it for the first time he is shocked

He Is so intrigued , It just makes you so much cooler. He will love dropping in the middle of his patrols to watch you train and bring you snacks

He also loves doing your makeup for you , and the whole outfit....it looks super complicated and he is good with assembling stuff so he'll be really into it.

He would tbh encourage you to use your skill to start and internet channel and use that to promote movements. Also if you are into the idea of teaching immigrant kids on how to dance, he'll help find the means because being connected to your roots are just so important.

Rather than boring ass ballet in galas , he will promote other styles of dance especially indian classical.

Will cheer like a madman after your performances , even if they are at rich gotham galas. "WOHOO THATS MY GIRL THATS REAL ART YOU SEE THAT YOU RICH PRICKS"

Yea just because you have this super serious super cool skill doesn't mean you both wont be sitting in a dinner eating greasy food in the whole costume+makeup after performances. Youre still teenage dirtbags after all

Damian wayne-

he will draw you . loves sitting and sketching you dance .

He too is really into strong women and appreciates the beauty and precise art of indian dance.

Itll remind him of his home, like up in the mountains. Maybe dance is taught as a way of developing balance and precision. So to him you look like a strong fighter.

It just brings nostalgia and you look so ethereal while you dance. I think out of all batboys he would be most appreciative of the art

these are comparatively shorter but i didnt have too many thoughts. hope its okay tho

[aropride]

i am losing it the tiniest bit .

googling like "my mother treats me like a child" or wgatever just brings up like ppl talking abt their mothers not wanting them to grow up or not giving them enough freedom which is a valid problem and one i have but it is a completely different problem from the one im looking for information on which is that i am a 20 year old man and my mother babytalks at me like a four year old on a regular basis. its drivng me fucking crazy but i dont want to argue and she wouldnt listen anyway she'd probably just be like "i dont do that" which .okay. but like holy fucking shit it is SO annoying and demeaning and WEIRD.

and like i can handle it when she treats me like. a teenager. like whatever im 20 close enough i dont care. but when she treats me like im 10. or 7. or fucking 4. its like. what the fuck is your problem.

and like okay i was thinking abt this the other day bc i was talking 2 my dad like just hanging out and he was treating me like a Person and like. idk i feel like when he had kids he was Expecting and Excited for us to turn into little people with our own thoughts and free will (maybe not the transgender communist thing i think that was a bit far but he's always been supportive in terms of like. me being my own person otherwise).

and my dad volunteers at church with some of the kids like 9-12 age range, and a lot of them have rough home lives and 'act out' cuz of that and he's very patient with them and helps them with what theyre going thru and generally just acts like theyre little people. because they ARE little people. like he genuienly cares for those kids and is always like... taking them to the park and stuff but also like, being character witness for their parents' custody battles n shit like actually helping and suppotying them.

whereas my mother volunteers at church with babies and toddlers and its almost like she sees them as pets. and will complain abt them being annoying or MEAN if they cry or dont want to play with her. like she's nice to them but she will complain abt it as if theyre trying to spite her

and i feel like she didnt become a parent bc she wanted to raise a small human i feel like she just wanted a pet. and shes been better with my sister but when i was a kid the second i was like 6 and developed some free will she kinda like. Moved on from me LOL. and stopped caring abt me outside of like. buying food. wire mother type shit. idk it's just really obvious that my dad cares abt these kids as people but my mother cares abt them for only as long as they dont upset her or do something she doesnt want them to. if that makes sense

and idk its like. i am 20 years old. im not going to go back to a 4 year old with no sense of the world outside of u because I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD. I HAVE LIVED ALONE IN SCHOOL I HAVE GONE TO THE DMV I HAVE WORKED A JOB I HAVE DEALT WITH MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ON MY OWN . i have had to make my way through every single social problem and mental health problem and shit since i was SIX bc thats when she stopped giving a shit about me. im not a child anymore

but i think its also part of why im so fucking bad at Being An Adult. bc she never taught me how do to any of this shit bc she was busy pretending im still a little kid. and now im too anxious to figure out how to do things on my own and i dont know how to ask for help and everything is very overwhelming and she tells me she wants me to get a job but doesnt help and she acts like she wants me to leave but she doesnt tell me that or help me leave and i am SO FUCKING SICK of living at home but i dont have the money or the skills to get out

and she's NEVER helped me with adult stuff either . the only thing i can think of is when she took me to the bank bc i needed her signature to take her off my bank account . otherwise my dad has been the one to help me with college applications + college stuff in general + finances + jobs etc etc . whereas my mother ACTIVELY LIES TO ME ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING MY OWN DEBIT CARD !!!!!!!!!!

and it's this fucking exhausting mix of signals where she's like "u need to get a job u need to learn to drive u need to do this and that" but also she Literally , not exageratting , treats and talks to me like i am a child . i am so fucking sick of it it's unreal . i am going to lose my fucking mind .

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Saw someone else talk about their opinions on Kurt and Catholicism (and they seem to be going through it so I'm leaving them alone I'll just make my own post and wave from a distance like hi I agree with a lot you're saying)

And like the more I think about it the more I realise just how... liberally I was raised when it comes to religion? And just how that affects how I think Kurt's Catholicism works for him?

Like I was raised by an atheist father and a -stares at my other parent and starts making wobbly handmotion- Christian?? mother. Mom is weird in this situation. Mom is somewhat practicing but I dont recall her ever reading the bible. She doesn't attend church. She never made me attend church. She had a dip into Mormonism at some point?? but left because it wasn't compatible with her

Between her and the priest/vicar who taught religion in highschool, who treated the other religions with the due respect they owed, who did like going off about Catholicism because that was obviously his true field of expertise.. I don't know I feel like the latter could have been a horror story where the guy makes the whole class believe in his religion as the only true one but no he was respectful and constant challenged us to really think about hard hitting things like the protection of God vs Free Will and almost like the paradoxes of faith and whether or not you can make that work in a way to make the faith work for you.

Anyway my rambling point being I guess I'm one of the few people who can actually vibe with the idea of Kurt Wagner as a priest but that idea is heavily colored by the fact that I had a "practicing" mother who only really holds the ten commandments as a guideline for her life and a catholic priest who had the utmost respect for all religions, who taught me to really think critically if the faith was right for me and turned me agnostic in the process, and who could be bribed for an extra point on an exam or to just waste ten minutes of the lesson time by bringing up guinea pigs. Like the actual animal. They were his fave.

So idk as far as "leaving Catholicism" goes I think mine is a rare success story where I got out with minimal backlash because I was never heavily tossed in either way, and the people around me that do practice do so in a way thats really unique and personal to them.

Like the only point I don't fully agree with when it comes to the post that inspired this is the notion of "Kurt is a good person but a bad catholic" and like? not to me, no, but my idea of what a good catholic even is is probably very different from the mainline that I was never part of or forced to be a part of. The real debate there probably is "are you a good catholic if you follow all the rules the faith measures onto you or are you a good catholic if you make the essential of the faith work for you and let it be your guidelines through life"

for me its the latter and for me the latter absolutely applies to Kurt.

I could also start rambling about how I explore that in my own fics and how his faith colors the relationship between him and my oc but this post is long enough lmao

[takeustochurch]

Pentecost Methodist Church

location: Pasir Ris (Closest MRT is Tampines East we think)

service timings:

peranakan: 0730 every 2nd Sunday of the month

english traditional (0830) and english contemporary (1100) weekly

mandarin: 1130 every 4th Sunday of the month

youth: every 0900 every last Sunday of the month

children's ministry: 0830 and 1100 every 1st Sunday of the month

here's their website for more info!

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

'*•.¸♡overall impressions (rated by 🌘, 🍳, and 💀!)♡¸.•*'

1. friendliness

🌘: 9/10 - friendly but not CREEPY friendly, u get what I mean? I dunno how accurate our rating is bcs we alr had a friend there...so imma just lower it abit,,,

🍳: 7/10 - the youth leaders were cool!!! but also getting a more objective opinion because idk anyone there so it was weird but i think the overall vibe was fun

💀: dead. again. RIP

2. openness

(we didn't ask any qns again bcs we were scared HAHAHAHA but they did keep asking us if we wanted to clarify anything/had any qns so...)

3. service

🌘: 6/10 - the service itself was nothing too special, just the usual spiel, but I liked the topic. the pastor man was kinda confusing when he explained things tho. overall was a meh service. DEF better than the last one tho

🍳: 6/10 - more engaging than the previous one or mayb im biased but still was interesting to see how they taught the sermons because it definitely was slightly different from the previous church

💀: RIP

4. programs

🌘: i honestly dk much abt their programs but frm their youth i think its q engaging? and we visited bcs they were hosting an event and they had FREE FOOD which was. cool. they mentioned a church camp too, and it sounded p fun all things considered. also they have. A GAME ROOM? which if anything gives them some points in my book.

🍳: would say its q cool tbh theyre really engaging and helps to break the ice for newcomers to familiarise themselves with the church environment - also they were talking about a church camp??? where one of the youth groups MAY just sneak off and go shopping but who knows!!

💀: RIP

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

'*•.¸♡REVIEWS♡¸.•*'

THATS RIGHT WE BACK BABY!!! we're like those absent aunts that only come once a year and are always drunk. VERY COOL.

on to the actual church - their sermon room wasn't as cool as the previous one but NO MATTER because i later noticed that their service hall is actually on the 1st floor and the one we went to was probably the youth one on the like, 4th, floor.

their service was p cool, normal stuff, they had icebreakers but i dunno if it was just because we went there during an event sorta thing. the youth after the session was cool, the people were nice and the discussions were actually p cool. i kinda got confused but is ALL GOOD bcs they went thru it after.

THEY HAVE A GAME ROOM/ YOUTH HANG OUT PLACE that has a SWITCH. if you like super smash - boy is this the church for you. the vibes are cool and genuinely might keep going back to it bcs my friend also goes there and you can drop by the church lounge any day of the week? which i think is p cool.

omg we're BACK after surviving life and tests and projects!!!!

okaokoaky so this time we got roped into coming by 🌘's friend who appparently DID NOT KNOW we were coming together but thats COOL!!!

started w band and icebreakers, then had prayers lead by the youth leader(?) and then the pastor mans.

THEN we split off into groups to talk in youth groups i suppose which was mildly scary because idk how to talk to people??? but yes then we started discussing what the pastor was talking about during the session - was q interesting? they tried to initiate more interactive discussion then concluded.

THEN WE GOT TO THE SWITCHES THEY HAVE A WHOLE ASS ROOMMM FOR GAMES AND STUFF like there was a switch (which the boys were addicted to btw??), a random basketball lying around, a whole LIBRARY and sooo many chairs to sit around and talk.

after thattt we got free lunch (which was bombz af btw) then spedran awayyy. overall fun experience! people were welcoming and kind and it was interesting to listen to how they taught the sermons.

we'll always remember him in our hearts 😔

'*•.¸♡ THE END♡¸.•*'

[happikattwuzheere]

was gonna try and do multiple characters in one post but nope! i have too much to say. also the pictures are all different sizes so its rly hard to get the photoset to look appealing, so we’re starting w/ blue. and also a colored pic of what adam looks like when he’s not a deer. boy’s tryin not to stand out. which goes great up for him right up until it doesn’t. lmao. i’ll talk a bit about him too w/ stuff that didnt get mentioned in the starter post about him and gansey, but this is mostly gonna be about blue. 

SO. 

there’s this fey entity, right? i don’t have a name for them, but they’re not...they didnt START the fey/human conflict, but they are benefiting from it, politically speaking? and when maura was younger, despite other witches being like “girl dont choose sides, we’re witches, we guard boundaries but we don’t choose sides,” was hotheaded and brash and went “ok but fuck that though” and one thing led to another and she ended up getting a curse on her firstborn. Oops. that’s where the kissing curse comes from, here; i’ll get into that much later in a text post probably but gansey’s survivor’s guilt thing doesnt come from him actually dying in this au it’s from something Else, but blue will still kill him if she kisses him, just, for different reasons, it’s an actual curse this time and not something to do with the nature of who they both are. 

her father’s still a tree light, but like, she actually knows that from the outset? because. they live in cabeswater. the tree lights are all around and accept her as one of their own even if she can’t turn into a tree, and as a result of that, she’s got some cool perks. 

a) extremely resistant and/or outright immune to a Lot of fey bullshit 

b) still boosts psychic energies and magical powers like in canon

c) the absolute safest person to be traveling in cabeswater ever, because the forest itself loves her, and also if you mess with her within the borders of cabeswater a bunch of tree lights will physically manifest and be like “hey buddy wanna think twice about that”

but she can’t use magic herself, still, which actually works in the favor of herself and the coven--witchcraft is in a sort of weird spot, culturally, where it’s both feared and often hated, but also understood to at times be necessary, especially by rural peoples like those of the village. im taking a very discworld spin on the witchcraft, because i love discworld and you can’t stop me, and so the attitude is, like. its frightening ancient magic and the church hates it but when there’s an emergency and someone’s on the border between life and death, or something is trying to pass into this world from another, etc etc etc, then you gotta suck it up and call on a witch because they’re the only ones who can deal with those things. so. the coven is tolerated, both because it’s too big and powerful to actually fight but also because it’s extremely needed when you live in a village right next door to fey lands. you NEED someone watching the border. however that doesn’t mean anyone wants to be seen publicly talking to a witch--but blue’s not a witch. she’s a witch’s daughter, but she’s not a witch herself, which is a step removed enough that she can go into town and run errands and also people will maybe pull her discretely aside and tell her if something’s coming up that the coven should know about, and it all works very neatly with her acting as a sort of liaison. very important role she plays, which is why gansey tries talking to her after his initial attempt to speak with the coven directly fails. 

speaking of the coven itself: i’ve been calling it the fox way coven, even tho it probably wouldn’t be called that because there’s no road called fox way that the coven is built on, it’s a big magic house out in the fairy forest, BUT they do have a fox theme because i love foxes and this is a gift i have been given. if people have familiars in this coven, they’re foxes rather than cats, because as wonderful as cats are u cant have them and foxes in the same house that will go bad. but also there’s a v small number of them, like maybe three or four total out of the much higher number of women living there, who are fey blooded like adam, but who become foxes rather than adam’s deer. persephone is one of these! (it’s worth noting the reason why they become the same animal is because of a combination of coincidence, intentional theming, and mostly just because like, virtually all of the residents there aside from persephone are related to either maura or calla) 

anyway the point is, because of this, blue’d seen enough feyblood transformations that when, one day when she was 9 or 10, on a visit to town, she saw the most distressed, disoriented fawn wobbling around frantically and was able to very quickly recognize that that was, in fact, a person who had probably turned into a deer for the first time, and responded by very calmly informing him that she knew who could help and leading him home. this is where those last two pictures come from, and how adam’s apprenticeship started. 

like, there was a lot of arguing from the witches immediately--of course we’re going to teach him how to become human again but we aren’t really going to take him on in the coven are we? he’s a boy, he’s some local kid we know nothing about, what happened to keeping it in the family, he’s the wrong animal and we’ve got a whole thing going on--at which point persephone parted everyone like the red sea, took one look at adam, went “mine now” and despite a lot of grumbling that was the end of it. she took him on a bit of a tour of cabeswater a few days later, after he’d had time to think it over, and he felt so drawn to the forest that he agreed to the apprenticeship.

so he’s technically persephone’s apprentice but like in actual practice he’s being taught by the entire coven lmao, ANYWAY

adam being adam also had a backup plan for trying to get out of the village--even at ten he figured witchcraft might be a first way out of there, he was already thinking about it, but by thirteen when the good ole abuse started (and at which point the last whispers of dissent died out very quickly amongst the coven, nope, adam is one of us now, do you want us to very threateningly hang out in your front yard sometime because we can do that--what do you mean no, let us do this,) he was also like. i dont think this is a guarantee of getting out of here i need a second job. and the thing is, as was mentioned in the original post, the fey blood also means adam’s got issues with iron; it’ll poison him if he’s stabbed with it but it also reacts to his skin touching it like a hot stove. he’s fine if there’s a layer between his skin and the iron, but if he touches it directly, it’s Bad. so ofc this headstrong idiot takes an open spot a t a metalworker’s in the village because adam is the king of making bad decisions. the witches have a betting pool on how long it’ll take him to out himself. “its fine i’ll wear gloves,” he says. “it’s the perfect disguise no one will expect someone with fey connections to work near so much iron,” he says. “i have everything perfectly under control,” he says.

anyway he totally forgets to wear gloves before grabbing an iron tool while his dad and his boss are both in the store and in clear view of him and that’s why he was getting chased by hunters when gansey rescued him 

also he and blue tried dating when they were like 13-14 and it ended about as badly as in canon and they made up later and by the time the story starts they’ve settled into very much being weird siblings. adam starts hanging out with gansey initially to try and basically spy on him, figure out why he’s here, but ends up rly liking the guy and deciding his reasons are sincerely to try and help people, and he tells this to blue who starts immediately accusing him of having a crush on the lordling and being a class traitor, because she does NOT like gansey at this point and really the nobility all prefer wizards to witches which is a stupid idiot decision and frankly the fact that this lordling is apparently enamored by some random deer is hilarious to her, but even moreso is the fact that adam actually defends the lordling to her, like, “wow adam its hilarious that the lordling’s friend thinks that you have charmed the lordling because from my perspective it looks the other way around” “shut uuuup you’re not listening im serious, like, yeah ok he put his foot in his mouth really hard when he talked to you but im telling you i dont think the whole i-wanna-understand thing is an act” “idk if i can trust you through those rose tinted glasses buddy. tell me again about that time he called you princely?” “oh my god” 

this is turning into rambling but. thats the gist of the witches and blue esp thank u for coming if u made it this far here’s a bonus persephone fox 

[vanchlo]

fifty questions you’ve never been asked

thx krisp for tagging me @toenialls sorry it took 4eva

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? rose gold 

2. a food you never eat? radishes or cucumbers came to mind first, i hate them both

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm 

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? watching buffy the vampire slayer

5. what is your favourite candy bar? twix!!!!!!

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? mmmhmm 

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? idk something to my dog like “bye ily”

8. what is your favourite ice cream? chocolate or target has this awesome mint cookies and cream 

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? water 

10. do you like your wallet? yeah i got a new one recently i love, its blush and has a little handle to slide onto your wrist  

11. what was the last thing you ate? a piece of dark chocolate 

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? a dress off target’s website i guess 

13. the last sporting event you watched? hahah a soccer game last fall 

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? there are flavors? i guess kettle corn 

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my kinda best friend 

16. ever go camping? nah i never liked it, but i’d be up for trying it again 

17. do you take vitamins? yeah just a daily one 

18. do you go to church every sunday? hell no 

19. do you have a tan? yeah no 

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza always, i dislike chinese

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? first it’s called pop, and yeah if it’s in a lidded cup like from a fast food place 

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? um i have different colors but they’re usually white with a colored toe and hell 

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? heheh yeah but not much 

24. what terrifies you? losing people i love and failure 

25. look to your left, what do you see? my door 

26. what chore do you hate? mopping and sweeping i guess, had to do it all the time at my old job 

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? "aye mate” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

28. what’s your favourite soda? *pop and it’s coke, tastes better from a can cold 

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? um mostly i go inside 

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my dad 

31. favourite cut of beef? idk imma just say a steak, they’re better than burgers 

32. last song you listened to? currently listening to painkiller by beach bunny 

33. last book you read? i just finished eleanor and park for the second time last night and fuck that ending 

34. favorite day of the week? friday 

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? ooooo yes i learned it at my first job bc the preschoolers were taught it. its so funny seeing how amazed people are when i can do it lol 

36. how do you like your coffee? decaf, lots of cream and sugar and some vanilla 

37. favourite pair of shoes? my fake silicon-ish birks from target

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? im trying to fix it lately but rn its like 2-3am 

39. at what time do you normally get up? noon haha but thats after struggling and pressing snooze 

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

41. how many blankets are on your bed? 2 and 1 at the end 

42. describe your kitchen plates? idk i hardly use them and theyre my parents’ and i hate them, i prefer bowls 

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? um a bacardi coke or a fruity wine cooler 

44. do you play cards? yeah i guess like solitaire and cribbage and some poker and other card games 

45. what colour is your car? red

46. can you change a tire? hell nah 

47. what is your favourite state/province? idk i guess minnesota bc i live there i dont really have a fav 

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? workstudy - you get paid to do your homework once your duties are done 

49. how did you get your biggest scar? i have one on my cheek thats from a glass ceiling light bulb falling on my face when my brother’s head hit it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? idk my dog was probably happy that i played with him and found his tennis balls he loves 

whoever wants to do this you can tag me 

[dekumidoriyall]

despite some ykw talk, this is gonna be a mostly about my faith tbh.

This asshat. how convenient that he mentions his FOREARMS, lest we forget about a previous post... Continuing on.

Same old same old EXCEPT THIS TIME Instead of just our usual surface laughs and elementary knee touches, we actually had a lot of insightful conversation. Like I felt I got to know who he is and his values a bit better what makes him who he is. AND YA know your girl is an even bigger sucker for character than she is for forearms.

So roll your eyes twenty times for me please. Bc I went in there like "HEY GIRL, I know he's hot and cute and funny so just don't fall more " you know, a little mental prep so I'm unfazed. BUT GUESS WHAT. The universe or whatever is in charge of making my life a little more complicated was like "well guess what? We're gonna bring out the big guns (not AJs biceps, which look great too btw but damn those forearms. LORD HELP ME. And I do mean it, like Jesus please) we're gonna let aj open up a bit more and yall are gonna get along so fuckin well" AND GUESS WHAT. We did. I was just like HA THIS GUY IS GREAT AND literally EVERYTHING I was asking for.... Before I fell in love with God.

Because now I gotta get MYSELF straight first off. Because I've been asking for the right person instead of BECOMING the right person. So lately it's like well whoever God has planned for me is probs pretty great, so I gotta be great too. Bc let's be honest, I want a dope ass fuckin family. I want a hot husband and cute kids and make fresh squeezed fuckin orange juice and have a nice lil deck with a dog or two or three. BUT THATS like down the line so right now I'm focused on becoming the version of me that God has called me to be.

But not gonna lie aj looked so comfy I literally just wanted to doze off on his shoulder. And I love having him in my life you know. So even as friends, I feel good hanging with him. He gives a lot of good insight, is someone I can be myself with, and ya know is a general cutie pie in general. But he also helps make me a better person (I won't tell him this bc it'll only boost his ego) but I'm like damn that mofo doesn't take failure as an option at all. But it's so inspiring! In a way bc he works hard. You can't tell him shit bc he does it all on his own. And I like that. I used to wanna be that way

And in a way I still do. But i always wanna give glory to God you know. I want to ask help from God. In my daily life. I want THAT relationship [with God] more than anything. And I kinda now want that in a guy tbh, someone who will not only motivate me in my world pursuits like my physical goals or my career goals, but someone who will encourage me to uplift my spirit. And if I want a guy like that, I gotta be a girl like that too you know. Give and take baby. So I gotta start becoming the frequency and vibration that I want to attract.

Don't get me wrong, my feelings are still what I've said. Maybe not blatantly but you all know. I just also know that (from past experience) God provides more than I need. And that he makes all things work together for good.

Like kyle for instance, the third (the last) time more specifically. I didn't wanna go through that. I specifically prayed GOD please don't let him come into my life to just wreck it again. did God put him there or did the enemy? WHO knows but what I do know is there was a lot of pain and shit and I didn't necessarILY think I needed to go through That but God was like "look jazz I know YOU don't understand why this is happening to you but I gotchu, don't worry. Your pain ain't permanent " AND what should have wrecked me, changed my life completely. I can 100% say after that last annoying fucking time, it taught me so much (that apparently the three years prior didn't >.>) and I just grew a lot after that. Mentally, spiritually, and physically.

So even when I don't understand "why", I have to keep moving and working and getting to know Him so that he can continue to bless me. I pray to God that I don't lose my fire for him this time. But it feels different it's not just a fire that leaves me as soon as I close my Bible or leave church. It's constant lately. Not always like holy spirit hot (bc boy I've been there and sweat through my shirt) but like a pot set on simmer. And not just fire but a wholeness, and this Love. I've never I guess fully understood His Love for me bc you know people are always telling you "God loves you" and it's like yeah I get it you bought it at hobby lobby it's on your wall I get it.

BUT I DID NOT.

Now I do get it, and am truly starting to understand when everyone is like "his love is true and all-encompassing.." Yada Yada. Like you hear that shit all the fuckin time and not gonna lie sometimes Im like ok what is that gonna do for me... Oh young naive me. EVERYTHING. Wow. You have no need for anyone else with him. But god is so nice he's like "look I know I'm the best friend you'll ever need but here are some asshats and knuckle heads to keep ya company. And he loves me SO MUCH that he's like "I also wanna make you grow as a person so here are a few challenges along the way not meant to hurt you but to grow you" so all these fuckin obstacles there are, God sent or hell sent or because of my own stupidity sent. I'm gonna be like BRING IT ON. I'm not worried so much anymore. I could literally go on.

Anyway, all I'm saying is if aj actually didn't stop whatever we were doing to focus on him and stuff, which of course sucked emotionally for me, i wouldnt have had the chance to, one, focus on myself bc I'd be so focused on him. 2, wouldn't have reached back out to God. And 3, truly enjoyed building a good friendship with aj. AM I scared that we might be teetering into the friendzone category? Am I worried that that's all it'll ever be? HELL FUCKING YES. I'M TERRIFIED AS HELL WHAT TF U TALKIN BOUT. I like that dude so fucking much it makes mad sometimes. BUT! Instead of anxiety or any of that negative shit, God's replaced it with a nonchalant "don't worry I got it" and listen. It's like when your super lucky (usually stoned) friend who you don't quite know how they get away with shit or get anything done right ever were to tell you this. You never know just quite how things are going to work out until they surprisingly do at the very end. But the whole time you're like ALRIGHT this isn't looking how I wanted it to. But then it comes out better and you got a few extra dollars to spend on snacks. So Idk HOW it'll work out and maybe it won't be the way I planned or wanted it to, but I have faith it'll be better. But you can't just reap a reward you haven't put in work for.

So it all comes back to focusing on me, which is easy bc the boy i like maybe probably has feelings for me and it doesn't change anything. And this is literally probably the only position God could have put me in for me to finally get all my shit together and get back to Him. So tbh its working to be good so far. :)

[artfighterblog]

1-ALLL I wanna know all about the Mun!!!

OwO lol ok ^w^ *gives diedrie a big hug

1. What is the middle name? *leaves it n/a* owo

2. How old are you? OwO 27 wishing i was younger

3. What is your birthday? september 7 

4. What is your zodiac sign? virgo owo

5. what is your favorite color? all the colors of purple >=3

6. What’s your lucky number? would it suprise you if i said 7? cause thats my lucky number x3

7. Do you have any pets? Yes but its my sister’s dog though that is a goldendoodle they are lovely dogs that loves playing with kids. but also good guard dogs.

8. Where are you from? USA kansas xP

9. How tall are you? i am 5′8 owo 

10. What shoe size are you? oh gawd shoe sizes are evil if its in womens i gotta get size 12 if its in mens i gotta grab 13, But i happen to lose weight over the 2 years from before so i had to go slightly smaller size shoes. So i am unsure the size right now.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I would say about 5 i think all for different occasion *has lost count cause she kept some old shoes for outside yard work.*

12. What was your last dream about? Hmmm the last thing i remember was that I was talking to black shadows and sparring supposingly it was supposed to be a nightmare but i manage to turn it around i guess *shrugs*

13. What talents do you have? hmmm well i am good at writing some stuff cause i can write a short one and leave a good cliff hanger. But love to draw alot x3. and messing with yarn still learning all of the basics when it comes to crochet.

14. Are you psychic in any way? Now i wouldn’t really call it physic but I often do see ghosts from time to time that would give you guys the chills x3. But the problem having that ability growing up was hard cause i kept it a secret only cause i was scared to be called crazy or insane. But i was taught alot of things thanks to some ghosts i have met but i also learn not all of them are safe to talk to as well. So be careful if you have this ability or if your child happens to have this. Cause some ghosts are not safe and tend to try to lure you away.

15. favorite song? omg this is hard can i just say imagine dragons is the favorite band please? love too many of their songs but if i was to choose it would be raidioactive 

16. Favorite movie? spirit away =D

17.  Who would be your ideal partner? owo that would be someone who i can chill to hang out with and that we just be ourselfs to be honest. I rather place no judgement if i can between the partner and me only cause i rather have us have fun and be able to relax.

18. Do you want children? x3 me and my hubby has talked about this since ours is a distant relationship we did decide if we ever got to move together to be in the same house its a definate yes. 

19. Do you want a church wedding? That i don’t know actually to be honest that would be somthing down later in the future road i rather think of the present than worry about later in the future.

20. Are you religious? now this kind of topic i rather stay away if i can but i am most comfortable talking to my hubby with. Only because i seen alot of wars between people who are religious and some who are not. I rather respect both sides if i can to be honest. even though to being religious i would say i am a little cause i am a wiccan gonna be honest here. But i still respect all religions if i possibly can and i even have respect for the preists as well.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes i have alot of good and bad memories i have out of going there the last thing i been there for though was worrying about my grandpa which i am still worrying about him even now. Which I am hoping he can live a bit longer. Cause he is a great man to be honest.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Not really like the last thing i got trouble for was accidently speeding and I had apologize to the officer which he did gave me a ticket but i didn’t have to pay for it just take the ticket in and was warned to be more careful next time. Which i am more careful and try my best to stay out of trouble.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? nope i haven’t =/ but i probly would freak out just a little but try to stay calm as well.

24. Baths or showers? Can i say both? please =3

25. What color of socks are you wearing? Was wearing black grayesh socks last night but took them off lol =3

26. Have you ever been famous? nope =3

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Hmmm i would say yes but i rather work for it.

28. What type of music do you like? to be honest i love all kinds of music but i love the most is country rock

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? um no I haven’t owo 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? uhhh....*counts* about 5 big pillows and 2 small little ones owo

31. What position do you sleep in? which ever is the most comfortable but mostly sleep on my side.

32. How big is your house? owo....idk.....*shrugs*

33. what do you typically have for breakfast? which ever sounds good but love susage sandwiches the most. but somtimes i would make myself a really fluffy egg omelette =3

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes but only because my uncle was teaching me how to use one properly to get over my fear. Cause i rather be able to move if i get stuck a situation one day instead of being frozen in fear. I rather help those in need to get out of the dangerous situation if i can.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes when i was little i went to church camp and tried archery there it was actually alot of fun learning how to use the bow.

36. favorite clean word? meep

37. favorite swear word? uhhh.....welp i know some of you will laugh real hard cause i said this a few times and left my hubby laughing alot hearing this. quote “What the flying fuck?!” x3

38.Whats the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? only one day i went without sleep. 

39. Do you have any scars? uhhh.....*hides her scars.* sorry leaving that n/a? owo

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? hmmm nope owo

41. Are you a good liar? hmm i don’t really like lieing to be honest i only do this only if there is a good reason cause alot of drama does happen quiet often in the family and i only do this to avoid it. so i am somewhat a good one but i rather not do it it if i can.

42. Are you a good judge of character? umm idk?

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? um no not really although i have a few people in irl who keeps saying i have some sort of accent and idk where it comes from.

44. Do you have a strong accent? um idk again owo

45. What is your favorite accent? owo uhh.....*shrugs*

46. what is your personality type? i would say just a fun loving type of personality with a slight dark humor once a while even though we don’t  mean to have the dark humor to happen.

47. what is your most expensive piece of clothing? uhh....i would say a dress?

48. Can you curl your tougue? heck yea x3

49. Are you an innie or an outie? I am both =3 but mostly an innie

50. Left or right handed? i am right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? uh... I am but spiders and me go to war actually cause i had got bit all the time by them spiders.

52. favorite food? Anything Pasta related! =D

53. Favorite foreign food? Chinese food

54. are you a clean or a messy person? a little of both owo

55. most used phrased? idk owo

56. Most used word? merp =P

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? about 1 hour. to 30 min.s if i rush like mad almost about 10 min. flat. 

58. Do you have much of an ego? ego? what ego? *has no ego*

59.Do you suck or bite lollipops? I only suck unless there’s somthing in the middle then i bite it.

60. Do you talk to yourself? I often do only when i am thinking or trying to decide on things to make a right choice. and yes this actually helps me think of a better choice.

61. Do you sing to yourself? owo yes i do when i am by myself.

62. Are you a good singer? ehh?  idk?

63. biggest fear? I think i have a slight fear of abandonment i think but i think the worst one is snakes even though i found them cute on the net. the old biggest fear used to be guns.

64. Are you a gossip? I rather not gossip if i can actually.

65. best dramatic movie you’ve seen? can i say the best scary movie please? if i can i would say resident evil.

66. Do you like long or short hair? I like both actually owo but long hairs are harder to maintain.

67. Can you name all 50 states of america? I think if i can i would name all of them but its been a while so i might forget a couple actually.

68. Favorite school subject? owo Art class!

69. Extrovert or introvert? mostly introvert but i still like going outside once a while.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope but would love to one day

71. what makes you nervous? Um not knowing whats gonna happen next if things do get complicated

72. Are you scared of the dark? Yes V w V but mostly if i am outside at night is where its worse but i am fine inside the building.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? only if i can somtimes i am not able to all the time.

74. Are you ticklish? yes sadly lol.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? no and actually i don’t like dealing with rumors.

76. have you ever been in a position of authority? nope but it would be interesting to try i guess.

77. Have you ever drank underage? nope actually i never gone drinking dispite my age.

78. Have you ever done drugs? noppity nope never done them and never will.

79. Who was your first real crush? sorry keepin that a secret owo

80. How many piecrings do you have? one for each ear owo so only 2

81. can you roll your rs? uhh....idk? *has no clue what rs is*

82. How fast can you type? last i checked it was about 60 on the speed scale on that mavis bacon typing program.

83. How fast can you run? uhh idk....

84. What color is your hair? dark brown

85. What color is your eyes? hazel so a bit of blue and green

86. What are you allergic to? eh feathers (sorry bird friends i can’t touch birds owo) house dust might and mold. which i find this silly.

87. Do you keep a journal? nope

88. What do your parents do? eh....sorry leaving that n/a guys

89. Do you like your age? to be honest i wish i am younger but its ok really cause i at least can help my family by having a job and help pay the bills. which allows me to spoil my mom once a while. Why cause she deserves it ^^.

90. What makes you angry? oh well i really don’t get angry really easy mostly if it comes to family members starting drama and start shit up that they shouldn’t be doing and lie and steal yea i can get angry really easy then. And i had people get scared of me before cause i was like angry but looked calm at the same time. I try my best not to get angry cause i rather think clearly if i can to find out whats actually going on to help fix the situation.

91. Do you like your own name?.....*leaves it n/a*

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? um owo.....sadly nope.. i am not good with names to be honest. I try my best to come up with good ones if i do get stuck picking one though.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Eh?...idk i just rather leave it up to fate of what comes first in the future.

94. What are your strengths? I think my biggest strength i have is helping on calming a person down really and somtimes letting them lean on me to cry if they needed it.

95. What are your weaknesses? owo hmm not sure i think seeing cute things is my weakness lol.

96. how did you get your name? eh? i came up with this name a long time ago when i was younger i loved to draw and do alot of art related stuff but I also love playing fighting games as well. and actually had 1 year of karate as well.

97. were y our ancestors royalty? umm idk? it would be cool to find out owo.

98. Do you have any scars? owo uhh.. *hides her scars once again* why did this question come up the second time?

99. Color of your bedspread? white with a few other colors on it mostly green. been thinking about getting a new different one.

100. Color of your room? white if i had the choice i would paint it purple not only cause purple is my favorite color but also its a calm color to have in the bedroom.

[anonymoustalks]

idk if lenins polcy of bruning churches was good but you have to have soem kind of athiest government

(6-20-20) You both like politics.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: ideology?

You: moderate left

You: you?

Stranger: far left

Stranger: uk

You: ahh kay

You: why do you like omegle?

Stranger: er dunno just fun to chat without consequences i guess

You: mhm that's fair

You: I like to hear about what other ppl think

Stranger: yh and argueing

You: haha I don't really argue that much

Stranger: some people arnt worth ur time

You: mhm maybe

You: where are you from?

Stranger: uk^^

You: I'm from the us

Stranger: noice

You: and I'm totally ignorant of british politics lol

Stranger: i know a little bit about america

You: how does your government work?

Stranger: cos its the centre of the world

You: sorry if this is a really dull question

Stranger: its fine ill asnwer w my limited understanding

You: I just ran into someone who was praising the monarchy

Stranger: pfft

Stranger: haha

Stranger: so basically above everyone we have a queen who approves certain stuff and has the ability to interjec tin products but msotly doesn then you have the unlected house of lords which is aristocrats recommended by other rich ppl and below that the ppl elected

Stranger: we have a prime minister so he doesnt have the same powers as president

Stranger: but hes more powerful than other pm's

You: mhm

You: the house of lords...

Stranger: yep

You: is the aristocracy still a big thing in the uk?

Stranger: its just like the senate in the usa except not elected and idk probaably

You: how does someone get recommended to the house of lords?

Stranger: be rich adn good at something or know someone whos rich

You: ahh I think it's weird that it's so closely tied to wealth

Stranger: not really the uk ruling class make it prtty obvious to us peasnts that its a ruling class fake democracy

Stranger: unlike the usa where everybody is supposed classless

You: right

You: I guess that's a fair statement

Stranger: but yeah fuck the queen

Stranger: how was the guy defedning monarchy?

You: oh he sounded kind of weird

You: like how god and the monarchy is essential for uk's stability and being

Stranger: pfft

You: he didn't really explain much

Stranger: both are irelevant nowadays

You: just pointed out that france and us are chaotic, according to him because there is no monarchy

Stranger: oh yeah thats totally

Stranger: why

You: yeah lol

Stranger: if only they had a monarchy then there owuld be no class and racial conflict

You: so how far left are you?

Stranger: very far

You: anarchist?

Stranger: nope left communist

Stranger: basically anti stalinist communist

You: what does your ideal government look like?

Stranger: well until you have a relatively stateless socialism you have a dictatorship of the proleterait

Stranger: and that has an armed population as the army and has direct democracy and a representive democracy who are payed wages simualr to that of a workmans

Stranger: in brief

You: mhm and membership has a criteria that you must be working class?

Stranger: membership of the democratic process yep

Stranger: a worker

You: mhm

Stranger: not necearily poor

You: what is the exact definition of working class btw?

Stranger: sombody who doesnt own and live off capitlist property

Stranger: or is a cpatilsit in other respects

Stranger: like an investor

Stranger: businessmen landlords and bankers

You: hmm I feel like it's hard for me to draw parallels

You: I know a pharmacist friend

You: who rents his place

You: for extra cash

Stranger: well when we have the revolution i doubt he'll be locked up or anything but youknow

Stranger: hes just a small landlord i guess

Stranger: supplemetning work income

You: so would people just discouraged from doing that kind of stuff?

Stranger: well hosuing will be nationalised as an early step

Stranger: so you wont have to

You: mhm

Stranger: making rent equal to bills

You: my parents also have investments

You: for like retirement

You: and just in general

Stranger: sure

You: was curious what would happen to those

Stranger: well i mean by investor sombody who is rich and does it for a job

You: ah kay

Stranger: the socialsit pension ting will be good anyhow

You: mhm

You: do you think that's it necessary for the world to follow this model? Or do you think that it can still work with just a communist state on it's own?

Stranger: nah for a lot of reasons you cant have it in one or a few states surrounded by cpaitlsit ones

Stranger: for one a DOTP surrounded by cpatilist states is forced to act like one to compete

Stranger: and therefore exploit other countries and its own labourers to the max

You: right, I was curious about that actually

Stranger: that was trotsky's argument

You: mhm

Stranger: he said u cant have 'socialsism in one country' because you have to first have international DOTP

You: dotp stands for?

Stranger: or you just become a state cpaitlist state like stalin

You: dictatorship of the prol.?

Stranger: dictatorship of the proletariat

Stranger: yep

You: mhm, that makes a lot of sense

Stranger: yep

Stranger: DOTP being when workers hold the state but not the economy

Stranger: the economy is still in private hands

You: right

You: I think I mix up all the varieties of socialism and communism

Stranger: yh DOTP isnt so much a variety but a transition

Stranger: from cpaitlism to socialism/com

You: mhm

You: I feel like I think about human nature cynically

Stranger: oh go on

You: as in, I'm skeptical of being satisfied with equality

You: *ppl being

Stranger: well tehy certainly arnt satified by inequality so how bad can it really get?

You: mhm true

Stranger: we dont mean absolute equality

Stranger: just equality of opporutunity to realise ur best self

You: idk if this is school bias or anything, but when we learn about communism, it's often framed that the party just ends up with all the wealth

You: or power

Stranger: theres a reason that idea of so called communism is taught rlly

Stranger: mainly cos of porpaganda but theres some truth

Stranger: under lenin the state was definitely a semi deictatorship of a few workers parties

Stranger: but with a democratic mechanism and worker councils to elect them

You: hm

You: *mhm

Stranger: with the intention of educating a largely illitarate peasant russia into a democratic socialsit society

Stranger: but after the vicotry of stalin after lenins death, whatever redistribution of power was dropped and centrlasing power in the party and in stalin was the priority

You: right

Stranger: so there is a history to it

You: I feel like I was thought that there was a component of ideological purity -- like, if you expressed greater loyalty to the party, you could get more stuff

You: like better food tickets or cars or stuff

You: *taught

Stranger: sure teh soviet union during and after stalin was definitely a class society

You: mhm, how do you avoid class from rearising?

Stranger: you dont centralise power in bureacracy

Stranger: and make it mroe acoutnable

Stranger: you arm the popualtion

Stranger: make durable directly democratic mechanisms

Stranger: accountability at all level

You: so you're saying like enshrining freedom of speech / freedom of arms in the system?

Stranger: im not a freedom of speech absolutist but sure

Stranger: its very important

You: wasn't China kinda of freedom of speech until tianmensquare, were they?

Stranger: ha no

Stranger: you got tortured if you spoke out

You: ah kay

Stranger: same as soviet union really

Stranger: mao wasnt masively different

You: I'm just thinking of the blm protests in the US

Stranger: yh

You: when ppl feel like change isn't happening

You: then they can get violent

Stranger: yep

You: was just curious how your government would handle that

Stranger: well the governmetn and the people are intrinsically merged

Stranger: but it depends like waht the situation would be

You: mhm I mean technically there's universal suffrage in the US but not everyone votes

Stranger: yep

Stranger: electoral college too

You: and I think minority parties can sometimes be the loudest and most opinionated

Stranger: yh

You: so even with a proletariat government I think there might still be disagreement

Stranger: yh

Stranger: for sure

Stranger: and debate

Stranger: whats ur point

You: mhm idk

Stranger: aight sitl idk the answers

You: yeah it's interesting

Stranger: what are u taught abotu socialism in schools

You: mhm, I guess just the things I said?

You: I think we studied east germany and the ussr

Stranger: ah k

Stranger: yep

You: what life was like

You: to live there

Stranger: sure and if you trying and feed everyone this is waht happens type shite

Stranger: you cant be nice with the economy

You: mhm I don't think my teachers tried to make extremely biased conclusions or anything

You: but the curriculum itself could be biased I think

Stranger: k yeah same

Stranger: yeah fr

Stranger: we dont learn at all about the british empire

You: yup

Stranger: like not once

Stranger: or really any british history beyond knights and castles

You: actually in world history class my teacher commented that I was beginning to sound "anti-american" lol

Stranger: haha good

Stranger: anti american what a word

Stranger: being anti imperialist and anti racist is being anti british too

You: lol

Stranger: tells u what they think about britishness

Stranger: its not culture but power

Stranger: which is a load of bs

You: mhm

Stranger: what did you say to teacher

You: idk I'm not very nationalist

You: I didn't say anything, I'm not really the kind of person to argue

Stranger: neither but i like uk just not enough to block refugees to preserve it

Stranger: like some wacko patriots are

You: mhm

Stranger: they act like the uks not been 15% non white since like 1940

You: mhm

You: what do you think of their opinion that a country should have a right to control their own culture/ethnicities?

Stranger: erm

Stranger: well thats tough

Stranger: i think the ideal of direct dmeocracy and a reactioanry population is contradictory

Stranger: and therefore maybe u need more centralised leadership there

You: I think I heard a scenario of belgium or something wanting to block the construction of mosques in like a historical district or something

You: to preserve their national culture/history

Stranger: yep idk

You: yeah idk either

Stranger: but like how would direct democrayc work in somalia

Stranger: or saudi arabia

Stranger: thats a tough question

Stranger: would men use it to repress women

You: mhm yup

You: or well, there are several states that have a democracy

Stranger: its like india was basically a dicatroship for its first 20 years

You: and they voted to impose state religion

You: state religious laws

You: that kind of thing

Stranger: basically cos it would be a bloodbath

Stranger: of relgion and caste

Stranger: so the governmetn had to go against the people to do whats the long term good

You: I think it's sometimes hard to have foresight about what the "long term good" is though

You: like everybody things they are doing things for long term good

You: *thinks

Stranger: well in indias caste removing caste racism and relgious bigotry was a big thing

Stranger: and many people died due to it

You: mhm

You: I think it's really hard for me to know what is "right"

Stranger: and i think general equality is a good thing impose against a population

Stranger: if they dont want it

Stranger: thats the only way change has ever come

You: mhm although I think indoctrination is always possible

Stranger: eh

You: I mean, this is kind of a hot take, but Western values are indoctrinated

Stranger: yeahthey are

You: similarly speaking you could indoctrinate capitalistic values or communist values

Stranger: some are right some are wrong

Stranger: not succesfully

You: and I think the ppl who grow up with whatever they are indoctrinated with are generally happy

You: and support the views they grow up with

Stranger: yeah true

You: although I think it's sad for whoever gets left out of the system

Stranger: like anti deisicimination laws are passed despite a population

Stranger: for a long term good

You: mhm

You: yeah idk governments are hard haha

Stranger: haha yes

Stranger: thats why were still talking about it

You: mhm

You: I don't really know what to think about ppl who support religious states

You: like indonesia has that problem

Stranger: theyre idiots

You: like they want their state to become religious

Stranger: ik snd prolly will

You: but if I imagine myself in their shoes

You: I think they just want to be closer to their religion

You: which is like a personal value

You: like I'm secular, so things like freedom and equality mean a lot to me

Stranger: truw

You: but I can also imagine a different world were idk god and faith matter a lot to me

You: we have pretty significant freedom of religion battles in the us

Stranger: same]

Stranger: if i didnt grow up in suhc an athiest school and get bullied for it id be hardcore jesus

You: oh your family is religious?

Stranger: yep

You: mhm I was reading about the us lgbt anti-discrimination ruling earlier

Stranger: yeah

You: the religious schools here are worried about being affected

You: like they don't want to hire gay teachers

Stranger: good

You: bc they're a religious school

Stranger: get w the program schools

Stranger: idk if lenins polcy of bruning churches was good but you have to have soem kind of athiest government

You: mhm I think anti-discrimination is good, but I feel like I can understand their resistance of feeling like they can't teach their religion the way they want

Stranger: sure yeah

You: idk most things I don't know what to think lol

Stranger: but think about if they dont get agy teachers

Stranger: anti discimination laws dont work

You: hm?

Stranger: cos u can jsut say u didnt disciminate and taht it

You: ohh no it still matters

You: like imagine you are a religious school

You: and a pastor applies and says they are a gay priest

You: and you don't want to hire them

You: they can sue bc discrimination

Stranger: maybe but its a relgious school why u even applying

You: mhm some ppl kind of want to change christianity I think

You: like there are pastors who are much more sympathetic to lgbt

Stranger: eh still

Stranger: lictus and that

Stranger: levictus

You: yeah idk

You: most of the churches in my area are pro-lgbt

Stranger: pretty sure my preist is closeted

You: aww

Stranger: hes very camp

You: camp ?

Stranger: and went to cambridge

Stranger: femenine

You: ahh

Stranger: yep

You: yeah religion is an odd place in politics for me

You: like it's often at the root of weird stuff

Stranger: oh yeah

Stranger: are u relgious

You: that runs counter to like modern science common sense

You: no

You: well, I'm like 20% spiritual I guess

You: but I'm not religious

Stranger: yep

Stranger: never got the difference

You: between spiritual and religious?

Stranger: yep

You: oh, for me, religious is like adhering to a religion, or denomination, or religious practice

You: spiritual is like vaguely believe in something

You: *belieiving

You: without doing anything about it

You have disconnected.

[lunnonbridges]

2019

saw Rachels tumblr post wrapping up her 2019 so ima do the same thing lol ty for the inspiration rachel <3

2019 was wild had some amazing highs and some devastating lows but i mean that happens every year lol.

school: completed my favorite clinical ever in the ED wow i could go on forever about it because i enjoyed it so much and i learned so much and wow ED nursing is amazing and so crucial i can’t wait to work in the ED again in a few years (hopefully) overall i enjoyed school surprisingly i love nursing and i can’t wait to finally use my BSN, RN in action in a few months. i!! am!! a!! college!! graduate!!! passed NCLEX too thank god (no real lows in the school department actually)

work: got to put my RN license in action working as a flu nurse haha i thought it was gonna be more intense but it was actually pretty chill just giving shots lol im not afraid of giving shots at all now because i did it literally for a job lol. got hired to be an oncology nurse at swedish which was nice :) the not nice thing was having my license delayed though which means now i am not working as a nurse T_T but i mean at least i still have the job--just got delayed but nothing to beat myself up over it. glad i found a full time babysitting job to fill the void in the meantime though :) winston is a very cute baby and i love him a lot and i am excited to see him again ahah hes such a darling and pay is enough for me to pay rent and some but rip savings haha

family: feels kinda the same? i’ve always been decently close with my immediate family i guess but going to the wedding and seeing everyone for the first time in a while was weird--i am def the most liberal and like out there out of the entire family i would say like what i believe in and what i hold important etc but i mean thats also not a bad thing--they focus too much on religion and like conservative ways in my opinion and i am too scared to talk about that stuff with extended family lol bc they are so stuck in their ways and i dont want more lectures lol i dont go to church in seattle but i go to church when i am home lol all convos at home become church related somehow and i hate it honestly...i don’t want religion shoved down my throat anymore please!!!!!! it is so suffocating

fitness/body image: started gyming a lot this past summer and continued it until december loll bc i got busy with life but i gained a lot of muscle mass and started feeling good about how i looked for the first time ever really (so sad i know) gained some weight too but that’s ok bc muscle mass. hopefully i can go back to the gym in january so i can work on getting slim thiccc lol i’m such a twig. i am not worrying too much about weight anymore because it is just a number! but i do relapse sometimes and worry too much over how i look--it is a work in progress

friendship: for the most part good or actually honestly all good because the only friend i feel like i kinda lost is Jason? but i mean hes off doing his own thing with his own friends and SO so its ok. if he’s happy im happy for him! maintained friendships with everyone i was close with before and even caught up with some old friends like alice, esther, rowena and i even met up with priyanka once although she never hits me up anymore lol i tried ok she is a busy person. got pretty close with like albert and will especially the past few months and everyone else really through talking to them about my struggles and issues and i know they all care about me truly <3 i love my friends and i am very grateful for the bunch of them. still close to michael and michelle! and i became close to michelle kang thanks to rachel <3 hehe i love rachel she keeps it real for me and is there for me regardless i love living with her and being with her and she just gets me ya know? ily lots rachel wifey <3

relationships: wow where do i even begin....life was going well with jason and then it just went downhill and i am writing this post as single as i can possibly be HAHA we broke up in sept after 3 years but no hard feelings right? hes with someone else and i am content/over him for sure---i was losing feelings which is one reason why i called it off lol but ya he taught me alot but at the same time a lot of people don’t think he was the best for me lol...they all tell me i could do better/glad i am not with him so interesting to hear this now tbh we had some issues and they couldn’t be resolved properly...hope he isn’t mad at me or anything idk....i can say confidently that i am over him 10000000% and i won’t look back. downloaded dating apps in seattle lol and i got wrecked for 2019 HAHA met a really nice guy and hit it off well and i was really liking him but ya tldr did couple-y things and were even exclusive just to have it called off bc there was no attraction and surprisingly i’m not mad at all even now! it hurt the first few days but im over it now. thank you next! (if youre reading this please know this is true and i do want to be friends and this time apart with me being in the bay has helped a lot--took my mind off of a lot of things lol i just want whats best for you!) i know hes looked at my tumblr before lol thats how close we were imo since only a select handful know of this page... he was the first guy i was amazed at for his maturity and levelheadedness actually so kudos to him! not many guys are like him so hopefully the next is just as mature lol i am talking to some guys super casually tho but ya i gotta just focus on myself and friends/fam instead of boys lmao...i am extremely afraid of being vulnerable and opening up and even truly liking someone again because they always leave and i always get hurt and broken lol hopefully i learned my lesson this time haha boys are scary and i have 0 expectations anymore ha ha ha! im open to dating not too sure about being tied down though idk if the right boy comes along so be it!  i dont want to come off as like dependent and insecure and always needing a boy with me for validation--i dont want to jump from 1 boy to another boy so fast bc my heart needs time to heal and recover lol i am baby heh 

this is a very long post so ima write my 2020 goals on a different post aha overall 2019 sucked kinda but also didn't suck lol hopefully 2020 is better haha